In a stunning development that geometry experts are calling “fine, whatever, who cares,” the global preference for the traditional circle shape has officially been replaced by a slightly squished, more popular shape known to insiders as “the oval-ish.”
“The circle had a great run.” — A geometer who asked not to be named
The shift, which became official Tuesday morning, has been attributed to a perfect storm of social media trends, Pinterest trends, and a small but vocal lobby of people who use the word “ovular” unironically. The circle, once unrivaled in fields like wheels, plates, halos, and human heads viewed from above, has been gracefully demoted to “vintage” status, where it joins shapes such as the trapezoid and “that one really pointy one from the 1970s.”
Industry analysts predict the transition will be largely seamless, except in the wheel manufacturing sector, where preliminary tests of oval-ish wheels have produced results described in internal documents as “extraordinarily wobbly” and “we are going to be sued by everyone.”
Dr. Wayland Blathers, Garbage Opinion’s science correspondent, stated in a strongly-worded op-ed that he had been warning about this for years and that nobody would listen, and that this is exactly what he meant when he said “look out for the ovals.” He attached a link to his Twitter feed and asked us to share it.
The circle was unavailable for comment.