Area Man Mumbles Something Or Other
Crack team of lip readers deployed to determine the precise content of one local man's increasingly cryptic park-bench whisperings.
Dispatches
Hard-hitting local journalism, filed by reporters who, in many cases, were also there. Some of these stories happened. The rest are simply too good to fact-check.
Area Man Says "I Burned Those Down Years Ago" To Wrong People At Wrong Time
A stark miscommunication leaves one local man in the hospital, somewhat philosophical about the whole situation.
Report: Your Ex-Girlfriend Had Amazing Sex Last Night
Sources confirm she has finally shaken off the last remnants of emotional debris leftover from your doomed relationship.
Quick! Can You Stop Voting For Assholes Before The Time Runs Out??
The hottest new game on the internet challenges you to make a single mental switch from "VOTE FOR ASSHOLE" to "DO NOT VOTE FOR ASSHOLE" for any period of time at all.
Momentous Incident Diminished By Co-Worker's Poor Re-Telling Of Events
What was almost certainly the most important thing that has ever happened to local accountant Brad Stencher has been almost entirely robbed of its cosmic significance, sources confirm.
George R. R. Martin Reveals Sansa Was Ned Stark The Whole Time
In a long-awaited update to the upcoming novel, the fantasy author confirms a twist that has been building since the late 1990s, and which does not appear in any draft of the book.
Life-Debt Almost Repaid As Tim Burton Announces Another Movie With Johnny Depp
Industry insiders say the director is "tantalizingly close" to settling the mysterious obligation he has owed since approximately 1990.
5 Things Only People Who Have Played Cornhole With A Troupe Of Macaques Will Understand
If you've never played cornhole with a troupe of macaques, this isn't for you. Click off this article. Go back to your life of regular cornhole, with humans, with rules. The rest of you — the brave few — gather close.