Director Tim Burton announced today that his next film will once again star longtime collaborator Johnny Depp, an arrangement industry insiders say brings Burton “tantalizingly close” to repaying the mysterious life-debt he has owed Depp since approximately 1990.
“Tim only needs to make six more movies with Johnny,” said one Hollywood source, who asked to remain anonymous because they have a contractual obligation to do so. “Then the debt will be considered settled and Tim will finally be allowed to direct an adaptation of Beetlejuice with a cast he picks himself.”
The new film, tentatively titled Edward Pasty-Hands, will reportedly feature Depp as a melancholy outcast in a small town, who has pasties for hands. The character will discover that he is misunderstood, possess a single shocking talent that everyone is impressed by, and ultimately retreat into a shadowy mansion at the end.
“It’s completely different from anything we’ve done before.” — Tim Burton, allegedly
When asked whether he would ever consider working with another lead actor, Burton was reportedly seen turning slowly to face the wall and remaining there, motionless, for a period of forty-five minutes, after which he was found whispering “the debt, the debt, the debt” into a houseplant.
The film is scheduled for release whenever Helena Bonham Carter is available, which is most days.