According to your ex-girlfriend’s best friend Megan, last night around 10:00 PM your ex-girlfriend rocked the pants off of a young man who is exactly as painfully hot as you’re imagining.
After a few drinks with Mr. Perfect-Face at the local pub around eight o’clock last night, it became clear that your ex-girlfriend had finally decided to shake off the last remnants of emotional debris leftover from your doomed relationship by really going to town on some guy probably named Kyle, whose penis performed at a factor of three over your own.
“It was probably the best sex I’ve ever had, or even imagined having.” — your ex-girlfriend
When asked about the experience in an exclusive, intimate conversation with our team, your ex-girlfriend said that “it was probably the best sex I’ve ever had, or even imagined having.”
After the conversation, your ex-girlfriend was nice enough to help me with my chronic back pain by giving me a quick, totally platonic massage, followed by some incredible sex.