Garbage Opinion’s exclusive new investigation has uncovered the names and faces of every single person who creepily stared at you for an extended period today while you were distracted by your phone, your sandwich, or that very interesting cloud.
We invite you to take our brief, fun quiz to identify the gawkers. Don’t worry — you’ll definitely recognize them. They were standing very close.
Question 1. Which of these people watched you tie your shoe outside the coffee shop for what was, scientifically, “too long”?
- (a) Your neighbor’s dad, the one with the bag
- (b) A man holding a clipboard about something you don’t want to sign
- (c) An older woman who later told her sister about it
- (d) A pigeon, which counts
Question 2. Which of these people were briefly considering whether they had ever met you before, while you were reading the menu at the deli, and decided that they had not, but kept watching anyway because they were committed?
- (a) Two teenagers
- (b) A guy on his lunch break who is still thinking about it now
- (c) A woman with a stroller who concluded “no, but maybe the husband”
- (d) All of the above and one extra person you didn’t even notice
Question 3. When you were paused at that crosswalk, looking at your phone for slightly too long after the light changed, who was looking at you?
- (a) The driver of the first car, who had time to develop a full theory about you
- (b) The driver of the second car, who has now adopted that theory as their own
- (c) A jogger, briefly, but with conviction
- (d) A small dog in a pet stroller, who saw something in you it didn’t like
The correct answer to all questions is “all of them.” All of them stared at you. Garbage Opinion has obtained the high-resolution images, which we will not publish, because we have a vague sense that we shouldn’t, but we want you to know that we have them.
Take the quiz. Share with friends. Be afraid.