In what insiders are calling “a casting decision that absolutely will not be regretted,” lifestyle icon Martha Stewart will appear on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars, partnered with rising teen sensation Jason The Shark.
Jason The Shark, 16, is a literal great white shark who recently broke into the entertainment industry following a viral TikTok in which he ate a surfboard. He has since been signed to UTA, opened a candle line, and entered into a public feud with the cast of Outer Banks.
“Martha is going to bring elegance, grace, and decades of experience to the ballroom floor. Jason will bring teeth, and the unblinking eyes of a creature that has not, on a soul level, agreed to be here. Together, they’re unstoppable.” — A producer
Garbage Opinion reached out to Martha Stewart for comment but was redirected to her PR team, who said she was “in the middle of a glaze,” and then redirected us further to a tank in a holding facility outside Burbank where Jason The Shark was reportedly “rehearsing the foxtrot.”
The new season premieres in fall, schedule and shark permitting.