Tired of having a nose? You’re not alone. A growing number of forward-thinking individuals are discovering the benefits of a completely nose-free lifestyle, and you can join them — by following these five simple steps.
Step 1: Acknowledge the nose. Before you can be free of your nose, you must first acknowledge that it exists, and that it has been holding you back. Take a long look in the mirror. There it is. That’s it. Say “hello, nose” out loud, then “goodbye.” Some people find this part emotional. That’s okay.
Step 2: Stop calling it a nose. Begin referring to it instead as “the central feature.” This linguistic distance is critical. The brain is plastic. Within days, your nose will begin to feel less like a nose and more like a temporary appliance.
Step 3: Make some lifestyle changes. Avoid scents. Avoid breathing through it. Avoid pictures from the side. Begin sleeping with your face pressed firmly into a pillow, to demonstrate to your nose that you no longer need its services.
Step 4: Consult a professional. Garbage Opinion does not endorse any specific professional. We do, however, suggest that you find someone who, when you explain what you’re trying to do, doesn’t immediately call somebody. This is harder than it sounds.
Step 5: Live your truth. Your nose may still be physically present, but it is no longer in charge. It is, at most, a tenant. Walk tall. Do not look down. Especially don’t look down. You’ll see it.
Congratulations! You are now living the nose-free lifestyle. Subscribe to Garbage Opinion for more wellness journeys.